900+ Funny Instagram Captions for Your Photos

Searching for some funny Instagram captions to add in your next post? Then you have landed in the right place. Hilarity never goes out of style, and the same applies here as well.

Usually, people love to put funny captions because these kinds of things help you to establish an emotional connection with followers. No matter what social media you use you can see the presence of funny Instagram captions.

Let’s see some of the hilarious captions for your Instagram post.

Best Funny Instagram Captions

• What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A may­bee… I’m a maybe.
• Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
• If you fall, I will be there. Signed: Floor.
• Look for the magic in every moment
• How do I feel when there is no coffee? Depresso.
• You can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.
• Get out there and live a little
• After Tuesdays, even the calendar goes WTF.
• back to being normal!
• The fridge is a clear example that what matters is on the inside.
• I am a ninja. No, you are not. Did you see me do that? Do what? Exactly.
• Brains are awesome. I wish everybody would have one!
• Life is better when you’re laughing
• Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
• Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
• I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
• When I wanna Ice cream, ICE cream it
• Confidence level: Kanye West.
• Today is a good day for cake.
• I know the voices in my head aren’t real… but sometimes their ideas are just absolutely awesome!
• Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute. Yet…I wouldn’t call them lies!
• Even the stars were jealous of the sparkle in her eyes
• There’s no “we” in fries.
• Puns are the highest form of literature.
• How do you call a pig that does karate? Pork Chop
• I’m not gonna sugarcoat the truth, I’m not Willy Wonka
• What do you call a thieving alligator? A Crocodile.
• I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money.
• Reality called, so I hung up.
• Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more minute. Yet… I wouldn’t call them lies!
• If there would be an award for being lazy, I would send someone to pick it up for me.
• Vodka may not be the answer but it’s worth a shot
• Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it!
• Did it for the memories – totally worth it!
• I like hashtags because they look like waffles.
• If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
• Just got that Friday feeling.
• You couldn’t handle me. Even if I would come with instructions!
• Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can’t beat surfing the net.
• The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake!
• I’m in desperate need of a 6­month vacation…twice a year.
• For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
• Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
• A sass a day keeps the basics away
• Friday, my second favorite F word.
• My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I have to do.
• My bed is a magical place I suddenly remember everything I had to do.
• Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.
• Don’t interrupt someone working intently on a puzzle. Chances are, you’ll hear some crosswords.
• I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.
• They say: Do what you love and the money will come to you. Just ordered pizza, now I am waiting…
• Whatever is good for your soul, do that
• When nothing is going right, go left.
• A cop pulled me over and told me Papers, so I said Scissors, I win! And drove off.
• There is maybe no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
• Stress less and enjoy the best
• I don’t sweat—I sparkle.
• I don’t care what people think of me. Mosquitos find me attractive!
• Sane is boring.
• Wine + dinner = winner
• Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But that gets boring really fast. So I go
• It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
• I’m not high maintenance, you’re just low effort
• What do you call an owl that does magic tricks? Hoodini.
• I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.
• A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
• I’m on a date, she isn’t very social.

Funny Instagram Captions for Friends

• Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them, and sometimes it’s good just knowing they’re there.
• We are keenly aware of the faults of our friends, but if they like us enough it doesn’t matter.
• Friends who buy you food are friends for life.
• Best friend: the one you can only get mad at for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them.
• You will never realize how wired your friends are until you start to describe them to someone else.
• Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm.
• I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.
• I don’t like to commit myself to heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.
• A true friend stabs you in the front. – Oscar Wilde
• The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.
• I was an innocent being. Then my best friend came along.
• If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not really your friends.
• Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with.
• Happiness is …when your mother is one of your best friends.
• I was an innocent being, then my best friends came along.
• Friendship is, chatting and wasting time when we have an exam the next day.
• When your best friends say you can have a bite of their food, you take the biggest bite humanly possible.
• A best friend is someone who loves you when you forget to love yourself.
• Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookie of life.
• Do you think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.
• Real friendship is when your friend comes over to your house and then you both just take a nap.
• Nothing compares to the stomach ache you get from laughing with your best friends.
• If you hurt my best friend, I can make your death look like an accident.
• I don’t want to go to heaven. None of my friends will go there.
• Friendship is…being equally annoying.
• An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.
• A true friend is someone who will share in your happiness….. not make you feel bad about being happy!
• You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend but it sure helps!
• Best friend: the one that you can mad at only for a short period of time because you have important stuff to tell them.
• Rain or shine, I’ll always be here. Pinky promise.
• Good times and crazy friends make the best memories.
• Happiness is doing weird things with friends.
• A true friend is the one that stays no matter what happens even if we betray each other, and that is you.
• Friends will tell you if your face is dirty. Best friends will make it dirtier.
• We’ve been friends for so long I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.
• A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.
• We all have that one friend that we can’t put on speakerphone because we don’t know what’s going to come out of their mouth.
• I’m not short! My height is just cute.
• Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.
• There is nothing better than a friend unless it is a friend with chocolate.
• We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I’ll pick you up… after Ifinish laughing.
• Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.
• A best friend is someone who loves you when you forget to love yourself.
• You drink too much. Cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.
• Every tall girl needs a short best friend.
• Never let your best friends get lonely… keep disturbing them.
• Best memories come from bad ideas.
• If you need to sober up, ditch your best friends.
• If you are lucky enough to find a weirdo never let them go.
• This is by far your worst idea ever… I’ll be there in 15 minutes.
• Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
• Friends don’t let you do crazy things…alone.
• You’re just jealous because we act retarded in public but people still love us!
• You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.
• I am your best friend, and there isn’t anything you can do about it!
• I love you more than food, okay maybe not food but I still love you.
• I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.
• The antidote of fifty enemies is one friend.
• Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
• Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
• Good friends don’t let their friends do stupid things alone.
• Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.
• A good friend is like a box of chocolate…sweet, nutty, & a good remedy for a badday!
• Friends buy you lunch. Best friends eat your lunch.
• It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
• Friendship means understanding, not agreement. It means forgiveness, not forgetting. It means the memories last, even if contact is lost.
• A best friend is like a four­leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.
• Yes, she’s annoying but I love her.
• Best friends are those who greet with an insult.
• True friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They laugh and insult you with something even better.
• There is nothing better than a friend …unless it’s a friend with chocolate.
• You don’t have to be crazy to hang out with me… I’ll train you.
• We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile… Then we’ll be new friends.
• Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.
• I think we’ll be friends forever because we’re too lazy to find new friends.
• Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!
• Best friends…they know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.
• Most of us don’t need a psychiatric therapist as much as a friend to be silly with.
• A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.
• This the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected.
• I hope we never get tired of making jokes about each other.
• Finding friends with the same mental disorder. Priceless!!
• We’ll be friends forever because you already know too much.
• A good friend knows all your best stories, a best friend has lived them with you.
• Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
• Friends knock on the door. Best friends walk into your house and start eating.
• Good friends will share the umbrella. Best friends will steal it and yell: run loserrun!
• We are best friends always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up after I finish laughing
• All the best people are crazy.
• Friendship is like peeing in your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel a warm feeling inside.
• I don’t need a psychiatrist to prod into my personal life and make me tell them all my secrets, I have my friends for that.
• Best friends loan out DVDs knowing that they’ll never be seen again.
• If I have to clean my house before you come over, then we’re not real friends.
• Friends are therapists you can drink with.
• Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.
• A good friend can finish your sentences… a best friend will do the same, but make it sound 10 times dirtier.
• Friends come and go like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay, like anoctopus on your face!
• A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.
• If I send you my ugly selfies, our friendship is real.
• We are best friends. Always remember that when you fall, I’ll pick you up, after I finish laughing.
• Friendship is about finding people who are your kind of crazy.
• Best friends don’t care if your house is clean. They care if you have wine.
• Finding friends with the same mental disorder is priceless.
• A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.
• Our craziness made us best friends.
• It’s hard to find a friend who’s cute, loving, generous, caring, and smart. My advice to y’all is, don’t lose me.

Funny Instagram Captions for Couples

• We’re best friends, right?
• You’re the person I want to spend every irritating moment with.
• S. I love you.
• True love never gets old.
• I love it when I catch you staring at me.
• We’re our own kind of awkward.
• The good things in life are better with you.
• They said we wouldn’t work, but we did.
• You are my sun, my moon, and all my stars.
• Our favorite hobby? Flirting with one another.
• Sometimes, I wonder how you put up with me. Then, I remember: “Oh, I also put up with you, so we’re even.”
• You don’t marry someone you can live with — you marry someone you cannot live without.
• Starting today, I’ll be keeping my clothes in your closet.
• Sorry gents, she’s mine.
• You had me at hello.
• We’re definitely two of a kind.
• It’s actually quite difficult being perfect…like us.
• Can’t keep calm when I’m crazy for you.
• I love this goofball!
• We weirdos gotta stick together!
• You can’t blame gravity for falling in love.
• To me, you are perfect.
• You can keep your clothes in my closet.
• Every day I’m with you, I love you more.
• We make a really great couple. Well, at least that’s what everyone’s saying.
• Might as well face it, we’re both addicted to love!
• I love you so much that I’ll even cook for you.
• The two of us will build all places higher. Yeah, even hell.
• Like rain, I fell for you.
• Love was made for me and you.
• My favorite love story is ours.
• You’re all my heart ever talks about.
• For you, I’ll bring out the good champagne.
• How lucky am I that of all the fish in the sea, I caught you.
• It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.
• Together is my favorite place to be.
• I plan on bugging you every day for the foreseeable future.
• Our hearts speak the same language.
• Sorry, I can’t keep calm because I’m totally crazy for you.
• Falling in love all over again.
• You stole my heart but I’ll let you keep it.
• Sorry ladies, he’s mine.
• Since you have my heart, please keep it safe.
• We’re never going to be apart. We’re going to stick like super glue.
• This one’s mine! Touch and you’re a goner!
• My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.
• Better together.
• Two peas in a pod.
• Am I staring at you too much? Sorry, I just can’t help it.
• Falling in love with you was the best fall I ever had in my life.
• You stole my heart, but I’ll let you keep it.
• All that you are is all that I’ll ever need.
• You’re the cheese to my macaroni.
• Let’s prove to everyone that “forever” does exist.
• All of me loves all of you.
• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
• Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it.
• Your smile makes me smile.
• So many of my smiles begin with you.

Funny Instagram Captions for Boyfriend and Girlfriend

Add a little color to your relationship by sharing some of the funniest love captions. We hope these quotes make you glad and bring you closer to each other now more than ever.

• Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you!
• I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.
• If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
• I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
• He stole my heart so I’m planning revenge… I am going to take his last name.
• Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along!
• In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.
• Love, at first sight, is possible, but it pays to take a second look.
• People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.
• Love is fun but, it is not going to pay the bills.
• Every day I fall in love with you more and more. Except for yesterday… yesterday you were pretty annoying.
• Promise yourself not to be a woman who needs a man to live, but a woman a man needs.
• A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
• Love is being stupid together.
• Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.
• You’re basically the cutest thing I have ever loved, after my kitten.
• Relationships are like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.
• Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.
• Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
• Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
• Most women desire someone who makes them laugh and also feels safe. So basically a clown ninja.
• I want to be your sweet good morning, your lovely good night, and your most painful goodbye.
• It’s amazing how one day someone walks into your life, and then the next day you wonder how you lived without them.
• Besides chocolate, you’re my favorite.
• There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
• Let’s flip a coin. Heads, I’m yours. Tails, you’re mine.
• I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.
• I love you more than beer, and I really love beer.
• I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?
• You’re just like bacon, beer, and chocolate – you make everything better.
• Good thing I brought my library card because I’m totally checking you out.
• I wish there’s a traffic light to tell me when to stop, go and slow down when I took this road of falling in love.
• Love is being stupid together.
• You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I’m scared!
• Love makes people do silly things. Like, it made me send you this message!
• I love you even when I’m really, really hungry.
• Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
• People should fall in love with their eyes closed.
• Stop waiting for your prince on a white horse. Go and find him.
• You’re like a dictionary – you add meaning to my life.
• As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.
• According to Newton’s Law of love, love can neither be created nor destroyed. However, it can create a girlfriend who can destroy wallets.
• Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!
• You must be made of Iodine, Livermorium, and Uranium because I Lv U!
• At a touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.
• Together with you is my favorite place to be.
• Let’s be weird and wonderful together.
• You’re the cheese to my macaroni.
• I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

Funny Instagram Captions for Selfies

We see selfies all over Instagram feeds. Some people want to post with a humorous touch and may struggle to think of funny Instagram captions for their photos. Here are funny Instagram captions for girl’s selfies.

• Always classy, never trashy, and a little bit sassy.
• Vanity is the new trend!
• Well-behaved people don’t make it into history books.
• Confidence Level: Selfie with no filter.
• Give me the chocolate and nobody gets hurt.
• I know I’m a handful, but that’s why you have two hands.
• A best friend is like your favorite bra: supportive, comfortable, hard to find, and close to your heart.
• Catch a glimpse.
• I’d rather laugh with the sinners.
• We will be the old ladies causing trouble in the nursing homes.
• If I was you, I’d wanna be me, too.
• Never let anyone treat you like a yellow Starburst. You’re a pink Starburst.
• I don’t always surf the internet, but when I do, eyebrows!
• Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.
• New look, same mistakes.
• I had fun once, it was horrible.
• I’m a selfie royalty. Now bow before your queen!
• Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.
• I’ve got it, I’m flaunting it, and you’re liking it.
• If you hurt my friend I can make your death look like an accident.
• Take a ride on my energy.
• Crazy hair, don’t care.
• Friends don’t let friends do stupid things… alone.
• But first, let me take a selfie.
• Behind every great woman is an even better friend to approve her selfies.
• This girl is on fire! No really, my muscles are burning from all the exercise I did.
• I think you are lacking vitamin ME!
• I’m not fat. I’m just easier to see.
• Never let your best friends get lonely. Keep annoying them.
• Kinda classy, kinda hood.
• I call this the ‘hey, at least I tried’ selfie.
• I hope we are good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walkthrough 47 walls, and haunt our enemies.
• This princess needs no prince!
• I may not have a six-pack, but I like to think of myself as sexy in my own way.
• I don’t know what’s tighter: our jeans or our friendship.
• My life’s purpose is to be a cautionary tale for others.
• I’m sexy and I know it. And now you do too.
• Sunshine mixed with a little hurricane.
• You’re allowed to have other friends. You just have to love me more.
• All of my imaginary friends say I need therapy.
• I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
• Life is better when you’re laughing.
• I’m a selfie lord. Bow before your king!
• “Time to witness the handsome!” – Lancelot (Mobile Legends)
• What do you think of the beautiful view?
• I don’t like to commit myself to heaven and hell. You see, I have friends in both places.
• Look at these muscles.
• Victoria’s Secret models, we’re comin’ for your careers.
• Wanna know what else is bigger than my smile? My heart.
• Sending this selfie to NASA…because I’m a star!
• Be savage, not average.
• Why be moody when you can shake yo booty?
• If I was funny, I would have a good selfie caption.
• Grateful they’re is okay being seen in public with me.
• Friends who slay together, stay together.
• We’ll be friends forever because you already know too much
• Real men don’t take selfies. Ironic, isn’t it?
• Just a pic of me being an idiot.
• Life’s short and so are we.
• Reality called, so I hung up.
• Behind every successful woman is a best friend giving her crazy ideas.
• You know we’re close if you see the selfies I don’t like.
• I’m probably going to regret this in 3…2…1…
• To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.
• I know that looks aren’t everything, but I have them just in case.
• This selfie is so good, I can’t believe it’s me.
• Finding friends with the same level of crazy is priceless.
• Did I make your heart skip a bit?
• Life is a soup and I’m a fork!
• Shameless self-promotion is an underappreciated art form. Let’s fix that.
• I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around.
• My dog dared me to do this selfie.
• As your best friend, I’ll always pick you up when you fall… after I finish laughing.
• Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.
• Laugh a lot. It burns a lot of calories.
• Nobody has to like us. We like us.
• I am only human, although I regret it.
• I drink to make other people more interesting.
• Putting the ‘we’ in weird.
• I sparkle from the inside out.
• Say cheese…sticks!
• I’m not weird. I’m limited edition.
• In squad we trust.
• Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?
• Me? Crazy? I should get down off this unicorn and slap you.
• Non-biological sibs.
• They call it a ‘selfie’ because ‘narcissistic’ is too hard to spell.
• Fresher than you.
• Friends are therapists you can drink with.
• Life isn’t perfect. But my hair is!
• You’re only as good as your last haircut.
• Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.
• You’re the ‘she’ to my
• A good friend is there to bail you out of jail. A best friend is sitting next to you in the cell.
• Salty but sweet.
• I’m too glam to give a damn.
• The cat made me do it, I swear!
• I need a six-month holiday, twice a year!
• Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.
• Just dropped my new single! It’s me. I’m single.
• A selfie a day keeps the mental breakdown away.
• Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.
• Be as picky with your men as you are with your selfies.
• Never let a man treat you like anything less than Beyoncé.
• I took 37 of this pic before I finally got it right.
• 50% Savage. 50% Sweetness.
• If you have eyes, look at me now!
• Some people grow up, I glow up.
• I believe in the selfie that believes in me!
• This is called a ‘selfie’ because ‘narcissistic’ is too hard to spell.
• I’m printing this selfie and putting it on top of the Christmas tree because I’m a star.
• Every 60 seconds, there’s a girl posting a positive message that she doesn’t live by.
• Sizzling hot!
• My skin and bones have seen better days.
• My friends are the family I chose. And I’ve regretted that choice ever since.
• Coffee and confidence.
• “Who is that girl I see, staring straight back at me?” -Mulan
• Drunk people, children, and leggings: They don’t lie. And neither does this picture!
• People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
• Posting this to make everyone else feel better about themselves. You’re welcome.
• No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.
• Today, I will be as useless as the letter ‘g’ in the word ‘lasagna’.
• You laugh. I laugh. You cry. I cry. You jump off a really tall cliff. I yell, “Do a flip!”
• Life status: currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
• I woke up like this. (Because I fell asleep in this getup and makeup.)
• How do I get out of this glass prison? Someone, please help me!
• Dare to be a doughnut in a world full of plain bagels.
• When worst comes to worst, the squad comes first.
• Stress doesn’t really go with my outfit.
• This is the most magical picture you’ll ever see in your life.

Funny Instagram Captions for Life

Life confronts you with many challenges. It throws stones at you and tries to drag you down. In fact, life can seem sometimes be so nasty that you simply don’t feel like never getting back up to continue fighting for your desired dreams. Having humorous thinking can give unpleasant situations a lot more bearable.

• The road to success is always under construction.
• My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.
• The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
• When life puts you in tough situations, don’t say why me? Just say try me!
• When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.
• Life status: currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
• If size really mattered, the elephant would be the king of the jungle.
• One day you’re the best thing since sliced bread. The next, you’re the toast.
• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
• Embrace the glorious mess that you are.
• If you stumble, make it part of the dance.
• Hold on, I’ve gotta overthink about it.
• Every time you are able to find humor in a difficult situation, you win.
• Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.
• Some days I amaze myself. Other days I put my keys in the fridge.
• If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors.
• I never knew a single noise could actually drive a person insane, but then I had kids and realized all things really are possible.
• I am presently experiencing life at a rate of several WTFs per hour.
• My alone time is sometimes for your safety.
• You attract what you fear.’ Oh my God, I’m scared of $10.6 Billion.
• Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
• People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
• When one door closes, another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That’s how doors work.
• If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
• Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
• Some days, I can conquer the world. Other days, it takes me three hours to convince myself to shower.
• You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not an avocado.
• Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
• If at first, you don’t succeed, fix your ponytail, and try again.
• A clean house is a sign of a wasted life.
• Laughter is the shock absorber that eases the blow of life.
• Life was much easier when apple and blackberry were just fruits.
• If you fall, I’ll be there.
• The best things in life will either make you fat, drunk, or pregnant.
• Story of my life: I knew better but I did it anyway.
• I am currently under construction. Thank you for your patience.
• Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.
• I know I’m a handful but that’s why you got two hands.
• Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.
• You can’t be sad when you’re holding a cupcake.
• I made a huge to-do list for today. I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.
• I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.
• Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
• Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
• It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
• Taking naps sounds so childish. I prefer to call them horizontal life pauses.
• Life is too short for fake butter, cheese, or people.

Funny Instagram Captions for Travel

Looking for a laugh while traveling and posting travel photos? Then add these funny Instagram captions for travel.

• Work hard, travel harder
• Girls don’t wait for the prince anymore, they pack and travel the world.
• I’m busy.
• I wish I was a postcard. For under $2 you can travel the world to any location in the world.
• A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it.
• Life’s a beach.
• Work, save, travel, repeat.
• Stuck somewhere between “I need to save” and “you only live once”.
• It’s why suitcases have wheels now.
• I’m not lost, I’m exploring.
• Ironing boards are surfboards that gave up their dreams and got a boring jobs. Don’t be an ironing board.
• When life knocks you down, roll over and look at the stars.
• I wish travel therapy was covered by my health insurance.
• How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel?
• Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas and take your next trip in kilometers.
• Me: “I want to travel more”, the bank account: “Like, to the park?”
• I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach.
• I wish that road trips could pay my bills.
• Buy the ticket, take the ride.
• I’ve got 99 problems. But I’m on vacation so I’m ignoring them all!
• Sun of a beach that’s a nice sunset!
• At the end of the day. I’d rather like to have a lot of stories to tell, than a full bank account.
• “You can’t buy happiness” Okay, explain travel then…
• I’m a travel friend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport.
• I wish that road trips could pay my bills.
• Travelling is like a chocolate box. Don’t matter what you get. All is good.
• If you look like your passport picture, you probably need a trip.
• Not all who wander are lost. They’re just looking for coffee.
• Tan lines and unforgettable times.
• I need Vitamin Sea.
• Don’t worry about the world ending today, it’s already tomorrow in Australia.
• Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new year on a clean slate.
• When you’re trying to save money for a house, but end up with a one-way ticket to some tropical island.
• I need a reasonably paid job. Something like $2000 an hour. Nothing too wild…
• I don’t know what’s coming, but I already know it’s gonna be awesome!
• At the end of the day…I’d rather like to have a lot of stories to tell, than a full bank account.
• The tans will fade, but the memories will last forever.
• Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito.
• I’m in love with places I’ve never been to.
• I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!
• I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere.
• Girls just want to have.. sun?
• Good things come to those, who book flights.
• Go to work. Open computer. Scroll for plane tickets for 6 hours. Close computer. Go home.
• I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords
• If traveling was free, BYE!
• I love when people say “just quit your job and travel.” Taking an Uber from the bar to my home is the only travel I can afford.
• Yeah, working is great…but have you tried travelling.
• Beach. Sunset. What more could you want?!
• I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel magazine!
• Fifty shades of.. red, orange, pink, and purple?
• Me: “I want to travel more”, the bank account: “Like, to the park?”
• Work tip: Stand up. Stretch. Take a walk. Go to the airport. Get on a plane. Never return.
• Friend: Let’s go to Bora Bora. Me: Man, I wanna go, but I’m pora pora.
• Vacation calories don’t count, right?
• Me before vacation: “I’m going to be responsible with my money. This is a low budget trip. I’m gonna stay in a hostel and everything.”Me on vacation: *orders fancy drinks, rides a jetski, goes skydiving, buys souvenirs for the uncle’s new girlfriend and adopts an alpaca.*
• It’s bad manners to keep a vacation waiting.
• Don’t make me slap you with my flip flop.
• Life is short. Call in sick and book that last-minute flight.
• I have been to almost as many places as my luggage.
• I have not traveled everywhere, but it’s on my list.
• Travsessed (n.) An obsession with travel. When all you talk or think about is your past or future trips
• You weren’t born to just pay bills and die.
• Backpacking is money spent on Education.
• There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation.
• Do you ever stress about money and then accidentally book another flight?
• Life is better at the beach.
• I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year.
• Can we just skip to the part of my life where I travel the world?
• Don’t be a tourist, be a traveler.
• I know there is a flight leaving today that could bring me far, far away!
• My favorite childhood memory is my parents paying for my holidays.
• It’s why suitcases have wheels now.
• I googled my symptoms. Turns out I just needed to go on a vacay.

Funny Instagram Captions for Boys

• Pic of me being an idiot.
• Men will be Always Men.
• It’s silly how people try to hurt my feelings. As if I have any.
• Another fine day ruined by responsibilities.
• Captions for selfies? Nah, I don’t need them.
• I’m not just a clown, I’m the whole circus!
• Captions are for losers.
• It’s true that looks aren’t everything. But I have them just in case.
• Not heartless. Just using my heart less.
• When life gives you sh*t, you make a catapult and hurl it back.
• Master of funniness.
• Sure, dating is cool, but have you ever tried an eat-all-you-can buffet?
• Did anyone say food?
• Who’s that handsome devil? Oh, I clicked on my profile again.
• Food. My bed. Perfection!
• My psychic girlfriend didn’t show up!
• I’m genuine and I trust some of my devotees are as well.
• Savor this post. You won’t see another one for another twelve months.
• Whoever thinks money can’t bring you happiness, transfer it to my bank account.
• You can’t spell awesome without ME.
• If my life was a series, it would be an awkward food-themed comedy show.
• I see you’re smiling because you’ve got your eyes on me.
• Who’s a good boy? I am!
• Selfies are disgusting but not this one!
• Beauty attracts the eye but personality attracts the heart.
• Men are born to succeed, not to fail.
• Why does my food look way better than mine?
• Pathetic but aesthetic.
• I’m a fun little lollipop triple dipped in psycho.
• I don’t trust only two kinds of people: (1) those I don’t know, and (2) those I do know.
• inside every man is a beast that protects a queen.
• Be awesome today.
• Girl, I will have to call you back.
• Please play “Drop It Like It’s Hot” when you bury my coffin.
• There are many single socks, yet you don’t see them crying about it.
• Don’t be fooled by my listlessness. I’m actually busy at a cellular level.
• How could you not fall in love?
• Every time I look at my textbook, I think: “What a waste of trees!”
• I’d wanna be me as well if I were you.
• Cooking some fantastic bad ideas in my mind.
• There are no bad pictures. This is just how things are when it comes to my face.
• May my life be as awesome as how I pretend it to be on Instagram.
• Baby girl, fall in line.
• I don’t know what to write girls, so just look at my face, please.
• Not your baby boy.
• You’re the 9-5, I’m the weekend.
• You call it crazy? I call it fun!
• We do not go to the gym for mere smiles.
• I don’t know where I’m going but I’m on my way.
• I envy my parents. Their kid is the coolest!
• Whatever, I’m retired!
• A man with no guts will never taste glory.
• Believe in your selfie!
• My last name is “ever.” My first name is “greatest.”
• Not everyone is lucky enough to be as cute as me.
• If you ever miss the sun, just look at me.
• Mind me not, just flexing.
• Do you wonder why I don’t answer whenever people ask me whether I prefer love or food. Well, that’s because I’m busy eating.
• Is my tummy flat? Yup, but the letter “L” is silent.
• A dirty thought a day keeps the weariness away.
• Being single has its own benefits. When I need me, I’m always there.
• Never reveal how weird you are to people until it’s too late for them to back out.
• People don’t abandon people they love, People abandon people they were using…
• What you’re currently looking at is a fine piece of procrastination.
• Teeth aren’t pearly until you laugh!
• I wish I could drop my body off at the gym and pick it back up when it’s ready.
• Doing nothing is actually not easy. You never know when you’re done.
• Stay trippie, lil hippie.
• You never truly know what you have…until you clean your room.
• I am so good in bed, I can sleep all day!
• Trippin’ on skies, sippin’ waterfalls.
• I have to be funny because being hot is not in my dictionary.
• Hand me the burger and nobody gets hurt.
• It’s your next favorite celebrity.
• I know it feels good to stare at me all day, but please give your eyes a rest.
• If you try to tickle, I won’t be liable for your injuries.
• Every so often, when I shut my eyes…I can’t see.
• You know baby, I’d take a Nerf bullet for you.
• Why chase someone when you know you’re the catch?
• They say good boys go to heaven, but I’m a bad boy so I’ll deliver heaven to you.
• I was planning on saying something catchy, but I see I already got your attention.
• Photobomb me at your own risk!
• Trust people who like big butts—they can not lie.
• And the Darwin award goes to…
• Do you know why they call it a selfie? Because narcissism is too hard to spell.
• Jut a general life update: “Hungry again!”
• Teeth aren’t forever. Smile!
• If I hide, I bet you gonna seek.
• I doubt beer is the answer but it’s worth the shot.
• Why you hatin’ instead of appreciatin’?
• Stay strong, the weekend is upon us.
• I’m the bomb, like tick tick.
• It’s so rude that it isn’t Friday yet.
• If only my feet were as diligent in jogging as my thumbs are in scrolling.
• Real men don’t take selfies. Well, I just did.
• A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.
• If you see this, you have a dirty mind.
• Growing up is such a hassle, I muttered to myself in my blanket fort.
• I really don’t like how I look, but I think this one’s better than the 23 others I just took.
• I have no idea how to act my age. I’ve never been this age before.
• I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
• When you stop chasing, they start noticing.
• My life’s a gigantic mess and I love it!
• Remember when I had a girlfriend? Me neither.
• Some people have trouble sleeping, but I can do it with my eyes closed.
• Do you know why I’m always late? It’s because good things always take time.
• Be a wolf, not a twatpopotamus.
• Life’s too short to wear matching socks.
• Since math is one of my biggest problems, I have no idea how many other problems I have.
• Eating non-stop is one of my best talents.
• My six-pack is protected by a layer of fat.
• I’m like a real-life meme.
• Occasionally, it takes me a whole day to get absolutely nothing done.
• Ready to be picked up by the garbage collector.
• By the way, I’m wearing the smile you gave me.
• Men are known to be born for success only and not for failing.
• If sleep is so important, why does the day start so early?
• Life’s a soup and I’m a fork.
• I’m not always sarcastic, sometimes I’m sleeping.
• It takes me like 3 days to wake up in the morning.
• 1 like? Great! I think the modeling world is ready for me.
• Sorry, I can’t make everyone happy. I’m not bacon.
• Chilling like a gangster.
• Suns out, guns out.
• I don’t always study. But when I do, I don’t.
• Of course, I talk like an idiot. How else could you understand me?
• I think you’re suffering from a lack of vitamin me.
• I’m bitter, dark, and hot—just like your favorite coffee.
• Live your fullest today, for tomorrow you might be dead!
• Always keep your head high. But remember to keep your middle finger higher.
• A daily selfie reminds you of what you look like.
• Don’t tell your girl about me. She might become a fan.
• I just cleaned my room. Now I’m all the trash that’s left.
• The very moment the alphabet decided to get involved with mathematics, I quit!
• If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door.
• Me, myself, and I.
• Too Blessed to be stressed.
• Some people have “aha” moments, I just have “oh seriously?” moments.

Funny Instagram Captions for Christmas

From making your own Christmas cards and decorating holiday cookies to wearing matching pajamas and trimming the Christmas tree with your family Christmas is great. Share the captions to enjoy the festive session.

• The only time of year in which one can sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of socks.
• I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
• What do you call an elf who sings? A Wrapper.
• But first, let me take an elfie.
• My favorite color is Christmas lights.
• Dear Santa, is it too late now to say sorry?
• Totally sleighed it.
• Being related to me is really the only gift you need. Just saying.
• Single bells, single bells, single all the way.
• Dear Santa, define ‘nice.
• I only have ice for you.
• Happy holidays.
• This is the season! Let the overeating begin!
• Make it a December to remember.
• Believe in your elf.
• Don’t get your tinsel in a tangle.
• It was love at frost sight.
• Puts a selfie on top of the Christmas tree because I’m a star
• Nothing says holiday like a cheese log.
• Dear Santa… I can explain.
• When someone asks ‘where is your Christmas spirit?’ is it wrong to point to the liquor cabinet?
• I’m only a morning person on December 25th.
• My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.
• That’s too small to fit a pony.
• Merry Elfin Christmas.
• Friends are like christmas lights. Some are broke. Others just don’t work for you and there are others that make your day shine bright.
• What did one ornament say to another? ‘I like hanging with you.
• The elf did it.
• I Hope Rudolph Eats the Naughty List.
• Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.
• I’m feelin’ pine.
• But wait—there’s myrrh.
• The snuggle is real.
• Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year. Most of the time. Once in awhile. Nevermind, I’ll buy my own stuff.
• When life gives you snow, make snow angels.
• Just so we’re clear, the Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.
• You rock my Christmas socks.
• When You Say Blizzard, We Think Dairy Queen.
• Too bad we can’t gift wrap common sense.
• Your presents are requested.
• Although it’s been said, many times, many ways…Merry Christmas to you
• One day of coal vs. 364 days of fun… I’ll take my chances.
• Happy holla days.
• He came, he thawed, he conquered.
• What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
• It’s the most wine-derful time of the year.
• I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.
• Permanently on the naughty list and loving every minute of it.
• I’ll be ho-ho-home for Christmas.
• Feast mode.
• Resting Grinch faces.

 

Sharing is caring!